The Post 18 Years in the Making

AKA How I faced my ultimate fear and lived to tell about it



It was a beautiful May day in Cozumel when I had one of my most brilliant ideas ever. Let's go horseback riding! I squealed to my friend, Melissa. The next thing we knew, we were on a couple of healthy-not-at-all-abused bucking broncos. Well, at least my horse was of the bucking variety.

After a quick run down the beach, I discovered that my horse had decided that my instructions were not acceptable and we were moving quickly toward to woods where the horses were kept.

So I did what any 22 year old inexperienced rider on her first grownup vacation in a foreign country would do.

I jumped.

Top 10 Pet Peeves

We're all peeved by something (or someone). But can we learn from those little annoyances and become stronger, more patient, accepting people? Maybe. And maybe not.

Keep reading to see the lesson I've learned from My Top 10 Pet Peeves...

What Do Ronald Reagan, Michael Jackson and First Graders Have in Common?

Sometimes I feel like a chicken with my head cut off. Trying to balance an ever-changing freelance career, keeping up with the house, kids, tutors 14 hours a week, activities, volunteering, etc. leaves me wondering what day it is more often than I care to admit. And you know it's bad when, behind the wheel of the car, you hear yourself ask "where am I going?" to nobody in particular.

But my hectic schedule is obviously nothing compared to that of the person or people who create the extra credit worksheet that comes home each week with Jacob's homework. Those people -- not actually affiliated with my son's school -- have been so swamped with whatever it is they do, that they haven't updated the sheets since probably the mid '80s. Check it out...



When asking a child to play a game using names of famous people, I'm not sure we're setting 'em up for success with examples like Mr. Rogers! And I don't think E.T., Garfield, Ronald Reagan or even Michael Jackson will come to mind when playing "Guess Who." Seriously, I'm not expecting Justin Bieber or anything but can we at least find a living pop culture icon?

Or is it that I'm just that old and Garfield has now found his way into our history books?

A Lesson in Perception

Last week, as I walked out to the driveway to get in the car, a big, dark cloud caught my attention. I don't know why but I stopped and just stared.

Then, not knowing what I would see behind me, I was compelled to turn around. My feet barely moved, it was mostly just my head and shoulders. But right in front of me was the most blue, clear sky I had ever see I didn't even have to make an effort to change my view and perception of the world around me.

It was then that I realized it. We can choose to see just the dark clouds looming -- threatening a storm, or we can turn around and recognize the clarity and beauty that's also right within our reach.

I guess you could call that my Silver Whining of the day.

Uhmerika is Dumm

I know that I can be a pain in the tush when it comes to spelling and grammar. It drives me insane that it's now acceptable to read things like "Bridget Jones's Diary."When I was a kid (said in that grouchy old person voice) there was no extra "s" after the apostrophe. It's like the dictionary people are all like "Eh, this rule's too hard, people screw it up enough... let's just change it."

Just this week, those in charge of the Oxford English Dictionary (said in that snooty clenched voice) threw in the vocabulary towel by adding OMG and LOL to the big book (along with 898 other new words). I remember the controversy created by including the word "ain't"! Look how far we've come, America!

Instead of living up to educated standards, are they lowering the bar to make us look less illiterate?

Tatt2: What Would You Do to Save the Tatas?

A mother's love is like no other. But the moms I am most in awe of are those who embrace their children for their own unique selves. No, I don't mean like this woman who actually drove the getaway car for her delinquent son...I mean, I love my kids but come on.

I mean moms like my friend Tami. While I wasn't there during her motherhood journey and have no idea whether she experienced freak outs over things like piercings, blue hair or that first tattoo (all things I actually think I'm okay with, at some point and to some degree)... it's her love for her son and his creativity that has come back in the most heartwarming way.

Please Don't Read this Post

I mean it. Don't read it.

New Study Uses Photo to Determine Details of Family

• Have you ever had trouble determining the age of a child? Or even the child's mother?

• Wondered if they had siblings but saw no one else around?

• Are you often confused about how to tell if a woman works in the home or outside the home?

A new study has discovered a groundbreaking new way to answer these questions and more, in just seconds, without the need for documentation or even awkward conversation.

See the shocking photo that uncovers the number and ages of siblings -- in just a snapshot!

Are Bloggers Just Online Narcissists?

Narcissists. According to Psychology Today, they're "charming, exasperating, captivating—and sometimes downright ludicrous."

According to Ben Affleck, Narcissism is "the one quality that unites everybody in the film industry."

But has the self-obsessed, ego-centric ridiculousness usually reserved for performers, athletes and politicians now taken over the Web? These days, it  seems it doesn't take much more than tens of thousands of followers on YouTube to be called a "star."

Narcissists can even be found around the mom blogosphere (gasp!). I know, shocking. When I was in the TV world, incessantly talking about your kids was career suicide. Yet, women like Heather Armstrong (AKA Dooce) is said to see over five million hits a month, bringing in (an unconfirmed) cool two mil a year. She's blunt and funny and has no filter, sure. But two million bucks a year writing crap about her family and posting video of her kid saying "grandma"? It's no wonder there are so many others trying to push their way to the top.

And it's not just online. The cliques and clubs move to live events, in the form of blog conferences, screenings and other offline affairs -- often turning social networks like Twitter and Facebook more high school than usual.

Zip It, Mom

And the lessons keep rolling in... (If you're keeping track of what number I'm at, maybe you can clue me in.)

 

This one just happened, and is sort of still happening: When you ask your preschooler what he did today and he replies, "I played with a FAST car called a Lumerghini," it's okay to shut up and not correct him. 

Otherwise, you might have to listen to all three of your kids debate the pronunciation of Lamborghini for the entire time it takes you to go home, make dinner and crack open a bottle of... uh, tea.

Trash Your House, Be on National TV!

I think one of the most consistent lessons of my life has been at the hand of my old pal, Murphy. Funny how they can't make a law to provide adequate health care to Americans, or get it together when it comes to equal rights... but Murphy's Law hasn't changed in years.

Don't Judge a Book By Its Tattoos

I love a good biker bar. Seriously, there's something comforting about it. Where else do you find a group of people, all brought together by the common love for speed, fresh air, tattoos and a good stiff drink? It's like the Cub Scouts, but for adults that just don't give a (bleep) about what you think of 'em.

But there are people out there -- maybe even you -- who see something totally different when a group of leather-clad tatted bikers (see: a couple of my brothers) walk in the door. I remember how amused I would be while pouring coffee at Mister Donut (seriously, the best job of my life), watching the public react to the loud grumble of a group of motorcycles approaching. But I had some of my best life-pondering conversations with those guys, sitting for hours sipping coffee during slow weekday afternoon hours, when I wasn't mopping floors, laughing endlessly with my "twin" Karen (who lived around the corner and was born the same day/year as I was) or flirting with the countless young guys who would come in for their afternoon coffee.

Turning 40? No Big Whoop.

People keep telling me how turning 40 doesn't change anything.

Can someone tell that to the insurance company? Since renewal comes up weeks after the big 4-0, the same plan will run us an additional 17%.

Damn. Getting old sounds expensive. 

Is It Okay to Steal Photos on the Internet?

Lesson #21 What happens on the Internet, stays on the Internet -- FOREVER.

In 2008, I wrote this post...



Today, a friend on Facebook discovered this photo in this post Buzzfeed: 15 Kids on Leashes, shocking the heck out of me. But what's interesting is not only that my daughter's image is used as a parenting "don't" (a year and a half after that post was published), but that they're using it in a way that's completely inaccurate -- she's not even leashed up. If you look closely, you'll see Lucy was wearing a monkey backpack, with no "leash" to be found. The photo was actually taken at home, about three seconds after I put the backpack on her, thinking she'd think it was funny... snapping a photo when she thought it was anything but.

Spinning Out of My Comfort Zone

With only 19 days til I hit the big 4-0, one thing I'm working on each day is pushing myself to try something a wee bit out of my comfort zone.

So today, I hit the gym and took a spinning class with my girlfriends, something that has intimidated me since the last time I took a class over seven years ago... and vomited. I won't even get into how I refused to take the class again until I was done having children. Seriously, you can put a man on the moon but you can't invent a cycle seat that doesn't feel like you're giving birth?

While I'd like to think I looked like this...

I think I probably looked a little more like this...

I may not have been the fastest, and I even had to sit down a few times while the rest of the class was standing up to pedal, but I stayed for the whole hour and never stopped moving -- logging 23 miles and burning over 350 calories. So I'd say mission accomplished. Yay, me.

What have you done today to flex those out-of-the-comfort-zone muscles?



 

Short and Sweet

Lesson #23: I guess you could also call this Lesson #25: Part 2.

Every day is a brand new chance to grow in some way. 

One way I did that over the weekend was to surprise Lucy with a trip to the hair salon. I know she's only four but she's going to have a lifetime of opinions that won't always gel with mine. Within reason, I need to learn to let her make her own choices and express herself in ways that are healthy, otherwise, she could find less acceptable ways to do it. So the answer was "yes" when she chose the skull and crossbones face painting at a schoolmate's princess party and don't bother fighting her strong desire to always wear jeans. She's her own person and I love that. I think maybe I wish I was a little more like her.



Besides, there's not much she can do that would make her less adorable. 

Lesson #24: Low Brow Is Better Than No Brow

Not all of the lessons I've learned in just under 40 years happened during my adult years. A few were so smack-me-in-the-face memorable, they couldn't help but be drilled into my head at a young age.

Like the lesson I learned when I was around eleven years old. I shared a room with my sister, something I imagine she wasn't thrilled about considering she was ten years older than I was. It wasn't too bad for me, since she was usually out with friends or visiting her then boyfriend (my bro-in-law of over 25 years) at college.

One night, as my sister got ready to head out, I watched her use a little dab of hair remover just above and below her eyebrows to get rid of stray hairs -- kind of an early 80s poor man's eyebrow wax. As I watched her closely, she said...

"Don't do this."

All I heard?

"Do this."

The Older I Get, The More Clueless I Am

I can be kind of a drill sergeant when it comes to my kids' behavior. Between my need for control and the tools I've learned from Applied Behavior Analysis, I feel like I know what I'm doing... at least a little.

But once in a while something happens that proves I have no clue. Not even a little one. I tell you this story, not to be funny (even though one day I think it will be), but to ask others what they have done in similar circumstances. I'm truly at a loss.

Friday night is our movie and pizza night here at the MacD homestead. Lucy, always wanting to stay busy, went down to the local pizza joint with Jeff to pick up dinner while the boys and I got the movie ready. All was well and we enjoyed ourselves, just like every other Friday night.

As we were getting into bed, I asked Lucy if she brushed her teeth. She ignored my question. I asked again. She looked the other way. When I asked a third time, she said "what?" like she had never heard anything like it every before in her life.

A Lesson in Haiku

Lovely day field trip

One hundred first graders scream

Happy it's over

Must keep going on

Ugh, gymnastics after school

Did I thaw dinner

Why am I so tired

Is 40 the new 60

That would explain it

Today's Lesson: Life is Short

I was in the middle of working on today's lesson when I discovered the 8.9 earthquake in Japan and subsequent tsunami. Watching water take over the country, knocking over homes like they're toy houses, flames bursting out of an oil refinery... I feel paralyzed with fear for those in Japan and in any countries -- including ours -- threatened nearby.

The Pacific Tsunami Warning Center in Hawaii said a tsunami warning was in effect for Japan, Russia, Marcus Island and the Northern Marianas, as well as a tsunami watch issued for Guam, Taiwan, the Philippines, Indonesia and Hawaii.

Hug your loved ones. Pray for these people. Count your blessings.