Thursday, January 22, 2009

Don't Pretend to Know Me

Earlier today, I wrote a post about television. A sarcastic, flip little post about four colorful creepy TV show characters. But for some reason, that post sparked quite the conversation in the comments.

I don't want to spend more time on details than is absolutely necessary but I have to say, sometimes a pee is just a pee, people, and not an invitation to preach adoption 101 on my blog. I've spent just as many days as any other adoptive mom rocking and comforting and being thrown up on because the crying had gotten so inconsolable, while I talked gently and sung and reached down into the core of my very being to find the strength to be the mother my daughter deserves. And yes, I've even peed with a child on my lap (gasp!). I just don't expect a reward for it. It's called parenting. Do you want to hear how I used to dread Lucy waking up in the morning because I knew I couldn't make her happy? OR how I still wake up every single weekend and sneak out of the house to drive an hour to a therapist and write a big, fat check in order to discuss my fears of not being a good enough mother? Because you know what, you can pretend to know what happens in our house, thinking because, after all... you also adopted so must know what it's like for every other adoptive family out there... but you have no idea. So spend a little more time being the perfect parent for your children and a little less time visiting my blog five times a day.

While I could go on and on responding to every comment, this is the one I really want to address by our dear friend anonymous:

Wow...a spark in the fire. Jackie I have been flowing your blog for a very long time now...never commiting...being an innocent bystander..it wasn't todays tv article all on it's own thst promted me to take the step to respond to you. My husband and I have bio children and adoptive children...I've walked on both sides of the fence in two different sets of shoes. A working mom and stay at home mom. I decided to post for several reasons but mostly for Lucy. She is a beautiful little girl who is attempting to do what ever it takes to get her mommy's attention--positive or negative. I am hoping that as a stranger I can get you to take off your rose-colored glasses (you do a marvelous job pretending that everything is wonderful) and get down to your baby girls level and spend mommy and daughter time with her. You can pretend writing through your blog that everything is wonderful....but sny intelligent reader can see and feel your pain that you so quickly brush off with smart humor. You have made several comments of late that prove my theory....I have read your postings on other parents blogs as well. Wasn't your dream not too long ago to have a baby girl, to shower her with all the love and devotion that you might not have been given as a child? Maybe it's not too late to make that a reality...but sacrifices will have be made. Will it be the daughter you wanted and who you tucked into bed this evening or a career? You are an funny, beautiful, and talented writer...would it be so bad to put the DREAM JOB on hold...only for now...to be able to spend the rest of your adult life knowing you did what was the best thing for both of you? Jackie, believe or not, I think you need Lucy maybe more than she needs you...go to her. This will be my last post and the last visit to your blog...Best wishes to both of you!

If you really have been following my blog, you'd know that you are full of crap, anonymous. (well, except for that smart part. and maybe the beautiful part -- but only when I really put in the effort ;) I do not pretend anything. Everything you see here is me. I use humor in my every day life... sometimes at the end of the day, it's all I have left. Rose colored glasses? It's called seeing the beauty, even when things get ugly. It's believing that I am the most blessed girl in the world. 'Cause guess what... I am. But it doesn't mean that I don't struggle. And, you think you're so smart reading between the lines, I wasn't hiding the struggle. It's in there, clear for everyone to see. It's reality. It's life. It's my life.

Let me tell you about my "DREAM JOB", oh wise anonymous one. Almost five years ago I walked away from a boatload of money two weeks before giving birth to my first child. I could've supported my family (living in Los Angeles) with one salary, giving my husband the option to stay home, if he chose. But my job required everything I had and I just wasn't able to give that, for that was reserved for my husband and son. I don't expect a pat on the back for that... it's just what was right for our family. For two and a half years, I worked from home -- mostly part time -- seeing every milestone my son hit. I stopped for months at a time to give birth a second time and oh, that tiny thing of sacrificing my own body so that my children wouldn't have to suffer the early loss of their mother, like I did.

In case you haven't read back far enough, just weeks after my second child was born, it was discovered I had a huge cancer risk -- a gene that gave me a 90% chance of developing breast cancer. Oh and there was a nice lump in my breast to drive the reality home. I looked at my incredible life and knew, above all else, I had to protect my children and husband. There's not a day that goes by that I don't look at my unrecognizable, scarred body and feel proud that I did what I needed to do for my family. But I have no idea what sacrifice is.

OK, back to the "DREAM JOB" (which I will continue to put in caps, as you did). Two years ago, I got a call to launch a Web site for moms, produced by a major studio. As exciting as the opportunity was for me, I could only take it part time. Guess what, anon -- that's not very good business. When someone offers you an career opportunity, you either take it or you send the message that something else is more important. Not only did I send the message, I reiterated it for a year and a half while the project took off with me involved, but far from running it. Last May, the big job presented itself again. And you know what? I took it. I took it under the agreement that it was only until I could go and get my daughter -- thinking in my head that was two months or so. I took it because international adoption is very expensive, medical bills had pretty much wiped out our savings the two years prior and I wanted to support my husband. Did I mention that every time I would work, my husband would be home with the kids... and for the past year and a half, we haven't gone to bed together because we run shifts in this house so we can be present for our kids? Did I mention that he would get home at 4am and be up with his children a few hours later? For four months, I worked my tail off day and night, crying myself to sleep while missing my daughter a world away and the two boys who lived under the same roof. Don't talk to me about sacrifices.

When we brought Lucy home in September, we had to find a way for me to bring in some income -- imagine that, preschool costs money too! -- without missing life with Lucy. Every day, I would get up at 5am to work before the kids get up, staying up late at night to finish. I would squeeze every second out of Lucy's nap to make deadlines, and crank out as much as I could on the weekends while Jeff was home. All without leaving the house. Because isn't that what Lucy needs?

I went back to work at the beginning of the new year, six hours a day, two days a week. Aren't I just the most evil mom? Twelve hours a week not eating, drinking, breathing Lucy's needs? Call CPS immediately. Of course it doesn't matter that when I'm not home, her loving father is there every second of the day. And let me tell you something, you won't find a better father than Jeff MacDougall. I guarantee that.

Last week, when my company laid off ten of my co-workers, I was offered a different position there. A full time position. Because guess what... twelve hours a week just doesn't make a successful Web site. Guess what again? I turned it down. Because, once again, I made a decision that was best for my family. But also because of that, I have no job. No extra income. My husband is picking up as much work as he can and I am scrambling to make enough to pay this month's health insurance. Because no matter how much you bubble wrap them, those darn kids get sick.

So please do me a favor and make good on your threat (or was it promise) to never visit my blog again. Because if you're looking for flowers and rainbows, you aint gonna find it here.

Is that honest enough for you?

51 comments:

JD said...

AMEN. AMEN. AMEN.

You ARE loved, just the way you are... (((((((( hugs )))))))))

Tamara said...

Wow -
Jackie, sorry someone has to be soo rude. Actually, I'm quite offended myself as it seems the first anonymous comment was directed at all of us adoptive mommy bloggers who also allow their children to watch TV. As someone with a psychology degree, who worked for years in the adoption and child welfare system, who has extensive training in attachment and bonding issues and a mom of bio and adopted kids - just wanted to say - watching a kids TV show is not going to ruin a child. As a fellow mom-blogger, just wanted to note how ignorant it is to sit out there reading people's blogs and looking into people's lives and kids that we are willing to share with the world, and then make rude and offending comments anonymously. Obviously, reading someone's blog alone does not really give you a picture of someone's day to day life, no matter how much you read between the lines. To anonymous - if you don't have anything nice to say, at least be brave enough to flame people with your real identity, since you obviously know so much about all of us. To all my fellow mom bloggers - thanks for being brave enough to share your lives with me and let me have a peek at your precious families and kids. It is so nice to share with you and give each other support!

Becky, Dean, Drew & Luci said...

It is this kind of person who made me quit going to A-P-C, a very popular adoption forum on Yahoo groups! There is nothing I hate more than the holier-than-thou's spouting their jibberish about what's best for baby and what a horrible parent you must be for daring to step outside of that box! GRRRRRRR! Why doesn't everyone mind their own f***ing business???? YOU know what's best for you and your family and I know what's best for me and mine! How appalling for someone to be so presumptuous to think they know better than a child's own parent! [Breathe...10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...] Okay, now that I'm done being pissed...you don't need me or anyone else to tell you that you're doing a wonderful job...you already know in your heart! So keep on letting Lucy watch tv and keep on being the wonderful person you are! I'M not going anywhere, I read your blog everyday hoping for a new post! Can't wait to see the comments from this!

Anonymous said...

Jackie as JD said "Amen", you stay the way you are and continue doing what you are doing!!!--the only good thing about that women's post is that she will never visit your site again!!!
Those 3 children are very lucky to have you and Jeff as parents:-)

Sarah said...

Holy Toledo! Just observing all of this from the sidelines with my jaw dropped.

Mom to the King and Captain said...

What a witch. I'm sorry you had to read a nasty comment like that. That is just ridiculous and I don't know where she got that you wear rose-colored glasses. I love your blog and check it every day b/c I love your honesty. I didn't comment yesterday but it was so nice to hear another mom admit to the TV thing. Please know that there are so many of us that love you and your blog. That commenter sounds like a jealous idiot!

Terri said...

I thought Anonymous was kidding with her absurd comment. She must be one unhappy Mom, projecting her insecurities on you. Don't take her personally....... you're doing a great job!

shelley said...

I am sorry you had to WASTE time addressing a stupid anon comment. You have been such an inspiration to alot of adoptive mothers...especially those of us who are continuing to wait to bring home our treasures. That stupid anon person is just a minute drop in the bucket.

Keep doing what you are doing....it obviously is working for you and your beautiful family.

lorabelle said...

Jackie,
If you are implying that my comment was that of adoption 101, I sincerely apologize for leaving my comment. I certainly didn't want to come across that way and I guess from all of the angry comments it was taken that way. The "pee" comment wasn't actually towards you...It was to another person commenting on your blog.
I was merely trying to stress the point that all babies are different and reach different milestones at different times and that we as parents sometimes miss what our children are telling us because of everything else that is going on around us in our lives. Sorry if that didn't come across clearly enough for everyone.
No harm or criticism was meant, just me trying talking from my heart and sticking my foot in my mouth again.
Lora

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Oh Jackie! Don't let that person put you down or make you feel like crap. You are a mom (and an excellent one at that!) which means you are not perfect. Did everyone catch that? Moms aren't perfect. Today for instance, my oldest is sick barfing all day. So have I let the two kids watch tv all day ? Darn right I have! I need my sanity too (incidentally they both love teletubbies, I have NO idea why).

What really sucks is that someone felt the urge to leave a comment like that. Why comment? If you don't like the blog/post/choice don't read it. I have no doubt you're on your knees playing with your kids and giving them every mom part you've got. But you also have Jackie to take care and there's nothing wrong with taking time for that too.

Every time you've posted a struggle or a giggle I've been right there with you. Adoption is the good, the bad and the ugly. And its because of you and the others who posted here before me that we are all still surviving!

Jeri from Texas Piglets said...

hey, Jackie...well, I was coming over to leave you a funny comment about "the creatures" but got stopped by your new post. I hate when people do that...when they take a stab and then run away to not be spoken back to! I've walked in almost every corner of the fertility world, but I would NEVER presume to say what's right or wrong for another family to do. Good for you for posting back.

That said...ahem...I was going to say that when we picked up our boys last June, the now 3yo would watch anything just about, even in English. And we brought some videos just for the boys to watch. But during a meltdown in the taxi one day, he was telling our taxi driver that he wanted to watch a certain show and we weren't letting him. He said it was creatures (driver's word) with tv's in their bellies. I said "Teletubbies" and he asked our 3yo and he said yes. Imagine the horror...we hate them! But dang it if everyone of our kids don't love them! We found some dvds at the local department store, but unfortunately we failed to make sure they were Reg 1. If anyone wants to buy them from us, we have Chinese Teletubbies for sale. :)
Happy TV land, MacD family! From a fellow tv family that turns it on too!

Our Second Miracle said...

Jackie,
So sorry that this person made your blood boil. People can be so rude and cruel. I can tell that you're a very loving mama to your kids! Hugs!!

Julie T said...

YOU GO, JACKIE!!!!!!!!

You are the best mom I know and that person doesn't freaking know squat about the sacrifices you've made for you and your family.

Love you.

RyanPaigeD said...

I am so sorry that you had to waste your time dealing with such rude comments. I love reading your blog and its a blessing that you open it up to all of to read. I swear there are many days you are writing what I am thinking. I have always loved you for your honesty with a slice of humor. Your humor has given me a good laugh on a number of time when I have sat down at the computer for 5 mins for pure sanity. As someone who knows you in real life I know all that you and Jeff have done for your kids. You hold a very special place in my heart. I think JD said it perfectly "you are loved just the way your are...."

momwithfaithandhope said...

Well said Jackie. This post was everything I know about you, and everything I love about you. People really need to think before they open their mouths. Blogging is a "piece" of our lives, and a very small piece at that. No one is blogging their entire life, every waking moment, good and bad. Rose-colored glasses? You? No way. . .You are a mom who has traveled a journey of ups and downs. A mom who is a loving wife, and a hard worker. A mom who has sacrificed not only financially, but physically (literally) for the sake of your family. I'm offended that those of us who backed you up on needing a little time to PEE were "bashed" - get real. I've peed with Gracyn on my lap too! Several times in fact! You are an inspiration to the blogging and adoption community. I always appreciate your candor, AND YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR!!! Big Hugs

Mom to the King and Captain said...

Just thought of one more thing...if anon thinks anything less of you, she should visit the Meanest Mom blog. She would have a heart attack with the way she writes. And, she is truly a good mother also...just a wonderful writer, like you, who helps us parents see the funnier side of parenthood.

Emily said...

GO GIRL!

Valerie (valvaldill) said...

Dear Coward,
(a generic name I give any anonymous poster).

I'm sad for you. While you preach your own perfection & heap disdain on someone, you are blatantly revealing your own massive insecurity....oh, & you happened to fling your arrows at my friend, which as Aniston would say "un-cool." (yes, I know you get that reference - which means - gasp - you read a magazine or saw a tv report taking time away from your saint-dom.) Jackie's one of the fiercest moms on the planet.....but honestly, you know that. Keep rocking that baby...(ps. for someone so darn perfect, I'd keep a dictionary handy - maybe in the bathroom or by the rocker - nothing says mommy/child bonding like learning how to spell together.)

Valerie (valvaldill) said...

Dear Coward,
(a generic name I give any anonymous poster).

I'm sad for you. While you preach your own perfection & heap disdain on someone, you are blatantly revealing your own massive insecurity....oh, & you happened to fling your arrows at my friend, which as Aniston would say "un-cool." (yes, I know you get that reference - which means - gasp - you read a magazine or saw a tv report taking time away from your saint-dom.) Jackie's one of the fiercest moms on the planet.....but honestly, you know that. Keep rocking that baby...(ps. for someone so darn perfect, I'd keep a dictionary handy - maybe in the bathroom or by the rocker - nothing says mommy/child bonding like learning how to spell together.)

The Family K. said...

Wow. Where to begin? I nearly got into a car accident today thinking about the bizarre replies to your innocuous post about television, of all things.

I can respect someone who doesn't allow her kids to watch t.v. That's fine. However those one or two "well-meaning" commenters have crossed a line. Behind their "advice" are strong accusations that you aren't doing enough, sacrificing enough, caring enough for your daughter. Nothing hits harder at a committed, loving mother than charges like those. What low blows coming from people who probably haven't even met you in person.

Having followed your blog for some time, I can tell you aren't wearing "rose-colored glasses." You have been nothing but honest about your struggles and challenges. If that's not obvious to the commenter who made that remark, then she needs to go back and re-read your posts carefully.

And to the other anonymous person (please have some integrity and identify yourself), do you really spend every waking hour of your day rocking, holding, and cuddling your child, if you have one? I question whether you do because you would know that you're demanding the impossible of Jackie.

Whether you're parenting a biological or adopted child, it's brutally hard work. Let's show some support for one another rather than tearing each other down.

Ramona said...

Too bad there's already a yellow Teletubby because I looked in the mirror this morning and I'm starting to look like one.

Sarah said...

Ramona, HAHAHA! You crack me up.

Tisra said...

Jackie,

I think you handled that well. You've said it all- bravo! Your children are lucky to have you. You smart beautiful woman, you! ;-)

Anonymous said...

Jackie - I love your blog. It is one of my favorites! I don't think I have ever commented here but your blog is the first one I started reading when my husband I decided to adopt.
We are new on this journey and I love reading and learning from those who have gone before us :)
I am sorry that people feel like they have a right to judge someone they don't even know...I guess they didn't learn the simple rule...if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all!
Please know that there are anonymous people out there reading your blog and praying daily to find their child who does or doesn't like Teletubbies. (or even Barney!!!)
Love
April in GA

Tami and Bobby Sisemore Family said...

Jackie,

I had to sit and digest for a minute because I was basically speechless as I read what this coward who would not leave a name said about you, my friend, my travel buddy, my gotcha day supporter! Wow! Even if I had not had the amazing pleasure of meeting you face to face and spending time with you I would KNOW this comment was hogwash, but as someone who sat across a table for multiple meals with you and shared each others hearts and laughed and cried a few tears together I KNOW she is wrong. Yes I dont know you compleltely and for that I am sorry but I thank God for the opportunity I had with you. I am just appaled and amazed someone who has never even met you and for that matter had a conversation by email with you and shared as much as her name would have the gall to pass judgment on you! I am so sorry hon and I wish my hugs could help and I am sure they dont but I send them anyway! I saw you when they placed that baby in your arms, I saw you grieve as she grieved, The love you have for Lucy is apparent in your blog and even more so in your voice and eyes! Thank you for helping me along my journey and honestly sharing your life with me and all of us that can benefit from your struggle and sacrafice. If this does not make sence I aplogize. I am have some lack of oxygen right now and it is causing me to not think very clearly. You add to that my utter shock and upset at your mistreatment and I am sure this sounds confusaled! :)

I love you friend
Blessings
Tami
Noah's mama
www.tillGodbringsthemhome.blogspot.com

Jennie said...

Anonymous,

Motherhood is a struggle for everyone, even you, oh lofty one. Did it ever occur to you that maybe less judgement and more support might make it easier on all of us?

I'm glad you have it down pat. I don't and frankly, I don't know a mother who does. We all do the best we can, the best way we know how. You'll have to forgive us our clumsy fumblings, dear. We must have missed out on the Perfection Punch when it was passed around.

Jackie, Ramona blessed me with a link to your blog and as I have read through some of the older entries, I have laughed (and cried and yes, snorted diet pepsi outta my nose. Thanks for that, BTW). I wasn't looking for a new blog to follow, but danged if I didn't find one.

Denise Mark said...

I know three things:
Jackie is an incredible person
Jackie is an amazing Mother
and
The ignorant poster who PROUDLY calls herself "Anonymous" is STILL reading Jackie's blog! (how could she not? It's the best blog on the "interweb"!)
xoox
D

J-Ko said...

as always you are so well spoken and convey every emotion so beautifully. keep up your beautiful work. how sad that "anon" will lose out on all your great stories. lucky for us, we get to follow you on your journey... Brady, Jacob and Lucy are three very lucky kids... xoxo j-ko

Anonymous said...

Jackie that woman's post pissed me off -- i read your response...but it was hard to get through. The entire time I kept thinking to myself, "Damn she's a good writer."
You are. And a great mother. Period.

Love and kisses,

Andrea "I exploited my kid for my job" Levin

Sparkyc said...

Anon may have been the recipient of a bitch slap if that comment was delivered in person and I was there.
You are an incredible mother and wife. Don't ever forget it.

Not Anonymous said...

Jackie, for once on this blog could you please let down the wall and share your TRUE feelings with people? ;)

For the record, I'll still kick her in the vagina if you want. I only have the one kid so I have plenty of free time.

Josh and Linda said...

Wow! I never read the comments; I just visit your blog because you're a great writer and it's fun to track your Lucy who grew up with our David. When I read your post yesterday I said to my husband "We need to get some Teletubbies!" David won't watch TV either while our 4 and 5 year old happily sit thereby allowing my terrific stay-at-home hubby to cook dinner while I'm still at work earning money to pay the bills. Life is a balance. And as far as I can see you have lots of balance and perspective. Keep up the great posting!

Anonymous said...

Jackie - Wow! First the anon poster should be the one to remove the rose colored glasses!! I have loved following your blog and that you have always kept it real and honest. There have been challenging days in my life as a new mom to a toddler who had also spent her entire life in an orphanage, that your posts helped me get through the day. You are a fantastic writer and there are many of us out here who look forward to your perspective.
Dianne
Mom to Leanna Hsiu-Mei (who by the way, is watching TV as I am typing this)

Shannon of "Room for More" said...

Jackie,
Speechless! No, really, SPEECHLESS!

GIANT hugs from TX,
Shannon

Expecting Good Things said...

Jackie,
Wow! I sat down ready to skim through my fav blogs and spent the last 30 minutes reading all of this. It seems to me that this 'Anonymous' person is either jealous or angry about something. He/She shows up every couple months on someone's blog and makes some obnoxious comment to get everyone worked up. It's obvious what a great mother, wife, friend, adoption supporter, etc you are. Don't let that one person get you worked up. He/She is just an idiot. You know how I feel about you. You played a huge part in bringing Breelyn Chia-Ling into our arms. For that, you are an angel.
Holli

Gwen said...

Jackie,
I'm cyber shy, so I haven't commented before, but I love your blog! I usually don't read the comments... but just HAD to add my two cents! :) Anyway, just wanted to say that I appreciate your humor and honesty!

Expecting Good Things said...

Oh and I forgot to say...
I LOVE TV TOO!
And I LET BOTH OF MY GIRLS WATCH IT!
My husband and I give them PLENTY of attention.
I would put down a bet that 'anonymous' doesn't have ANY children.
Holli

Wendy said...

My kid is smart BECAUSE of TV thank you very much.

tallglassofmilk said...

Beyond laughable. Your realness and ability to see the beauty -- and appreciate the humor -- in everything is what endears you to so many. xoxo

Robin said...

Hey Jackie,
You ROCK! Don't let that horrible woman get to you. We've only met once, but I could tell that your family is your No. 1 priority--which you have proved over and over again by your sacrifices.

Anna M. Lewis said...

Hi Jackie!
This is my 1st visit to your fantastic blog. I came here via your follow to my Twitter.

Two things I have learned:
Don't judge another person until you have walked a mile in her shoes. (Learned when I was widowed at 24.)

All children are different. (Mom of 3 wonderful children - 16,14,&9)

You are a smart, funny, creative mom and writer - and I look forward to reading your posts via Twitter! Thank you!
Anna
www.bookstoysetc.com

Barbara said...

Jackie I am very proud of you!

LizW said...

My Dear Jackie:
Don't you just adore the sanctimonious, illiterate, anonymous poster? Those of us who know YOU, know just how up her butt that woman's head is. You are an incredible wife, a kick-ass friend, an unbelievably smart career woman, a heroic cancer survivor, and you have a fabulous sense of humor that keeps all in perspective. Anon is a head case. Stick with the rest of us loser, working Moms who let our kids play video games and watch too much tv. Did I also mention the kids have huge hearts, help others in need, do their share of chores, and love me - and their Dad - in spite of the fact we "abandon" them daily to go to jobs that help keep the roof over their heads, food in their tummies, and the cable turned on? A fact they understand and respect? Keep it comin, Jackie! Somebody more articulate than me needs to put pushy peeps like her back in their place. I am NOT anonymous - I am LizW. :-)

Anonymous said...

It was quite mean of a comment, but I almost understand where she is coming from.
You did go to all the trouble and expense of adopting a foreign baby while there are plenty of babies in the U.S. still awaiting adoption. Some white parents had rather adopt whitish babies from other countries than black babies living in the United States.
I only have 2 children, born from my own body. I made the decision to do without some luxuries before I planned to have them. I've not regretted any of the things I had to give up or the strict changes to our household budget that have enabled me to stay home and give my full concentration to my children.
No child, or adult, needs television. I remember many days where I didn't get a second to myself, even to use the bathroom, until my husband came home. Setting my children in front of the television was never even considered.

Jackie said...

Hi newest anon --
Kudos to you for raising kids without the "need" for TV.

But this is the part where you really intrigued me...

"You did go to all the trouble and expense of adopting a foreign baby while there are plenty of babies in the U.S. still awaiting adoption. Some white parents had rather adopt whitish babies from other countries than black babies living in the United States."

My daughter's appearance had nothing to do with our choice on where to adopt. Do you have any knowledge of adoption here in the US? If so, I would love to chat further so you can educate me. And I would be happy to share the factual problems with the system in this country that kept me from going down that path.

Tamara said...

Oh - Jackie - this new anon is even worse! Nothing like people with no experience in adoption - U.S. or foreign - making judgements, statements, criticisms or even having any thought at all about why any other family would choose a certain path to build their family or even assume to know what it might be like for a family to make that decision and go through all it takes to adopt from either system (US or foreign). Oh brother, don't even get me started on this one. :)

Jen and Jeff said...

Wow, Jackie! You are like the mom I most look up to! Right after my Mom and Mother-in-law, of course! It's sad that people have to judge all the time and put their rude 2 cents in where it doesn't belong. I love your honesty. I love your humor. And I love that you see the beauty in things and live in the moment. Isn't that the way it SHOULD be? I hadn't been to your blogs for a week or so and missed the TV post. Will have to go back and read it. But whatever the case, I think you are doing an amazing job juggling the kids with this thing called LIFE. Keep doing what your'e doing and inspiring all of us!
Jen

Jen and Jeff said...

OMG! I just read through all the comments and am APPALLED at the audacity of the 2nd anon commenter!!! It's probably the same one who just doesn't have the guts to admit it! I actually went private with my blog (which I HATED to do cause I love writing and sharing as much as you) because of rude comments and people advocating for US adoption over int'l. They even sent me a link to a very uneducated persons article saying that international adoption was unnecessary and it was so wrong to take them from their country. What??? Like they would be better living their life out in an orphanage??? I was furious! Anyway, I am with you. People have NO IDEA how difficult and complicated US adoptions can be. It is just so annoying that people can't mind their own business!! And I say it again...I LOVE your blog! Have learned a lot and you are a big inspiration. Email me if you want an invite to our blog. Ha. If you have any spare time!
Jen
macimiller@comcast.net

Josie said...

Dear Jackie,

It's so disheartening when someone thinks anonymity gives her license to spout self-righteous, judgmental, and ugly comments online. Unlike Anonymous, I only have nice things to say about your blog. Being a relative newbie on the waitlist for Taiwan through Heartsent with a wait time of 20-24months for a referral, I love and appreciate being able to peek into our distant future through adoption blogs. As I emailed you previously, your blog has made me laugh, cry, and sigh. Your courage in sharing your life online with humor, honesty, and grace is inspiring and deserves applause--not passive aggressive criticism. (Good riddance Anonymous!...BTW, it's her loss!)

The sparkle in your adorable children's eyes and smiles are a testament to how great a mom and dad you and Jeff are. Don't ever let anyone make you doubt that!

Thanks for writing such an amazing blog and keeping me dreaming of the day we bring our own little baby home!

Xin Nian Kuai Le!

Josephine (Temecula, CA)

Paula Perry said...

you say it sister! these people that said all of these horrible things are just idiots!

Megan said...

OH NO SHE DIN'T!!!!!! What is her email who is this anon!!!! She has no idea who you are and to write that about you!!! I wish I read this sooner. Let me at her GRRR! Saying all that as she has followed your blog and others hum is that calling the kettle black? Some people should just ---- --! So sorry Jackie sending you a big internet hug.