Saturday, October 25, 2008

True Story

Here's a conversation I had yesterday with a doctor... a health care professional... you know, the educated, experienced human you go to for their intelligence and expertise.

Doc: Stress levels?
Me: Lately? Kind of high. We just brought our daughter home six weeks ago. And I have a three- and four-year-old.
Doc: Then WHY did you ADOPT?
Me: Uh, well... I usually handle stress OK (stammmers), uh...
Doc: Well people who can HAVE children usually don't ADOPT.
Me: Actually, that's not true. I know many, many families who... (trail off because I'm just completely floored).

Moments later...

Doc: Any surgeries?
Me: Double mastectomy/hysterectomy...
Doc: So you had cancer.
Me: Well, no. I have the BRCA gene that gives me an 87% chance and they found a lump, so I just had them do it. They found pre-cancer during the surgery.
Doc: So you had your breasts removed without even knowing if you had CANCER? (said with expression I won't soon forget)
Me: Well, my mother was 39 when she died.
Doc: Mmm hmmm.

What would you say to this doctor? Let's hear it, people!

*my sister just pointed out that she assumed the doctor was male. WRONG! She was female.

25 comments:

Becky, Dean, Drew & Luci said...

I'd say..."Can you copy my records so I can find a compassionate, caring and, let's face it, HUMAN doctor, pretty please? Thanks so much! Buh-bye now!"

What an idiot!

Mike and Katie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mom to the King and Captain said...

OMG...that is just absolutely terrible and so insensitive. And yes, I assumed it was a male too, whcih is terrible of me b/c I've had wonderful experiences with male docs and terrible ones with females. That doctor needs to have training on bedside manners. Just terrible. So sorry you had to experience that!!!

Eva said...

Gosh, what a terrible doctor! I would be going doctor shopping as soon as I left her office! Sorry for such a horrible/unpleasant visit.

Whenever I encounter mean-spirited people such as this, I comfort myself by saying that those are most likely not happy people themselves and as such, have very little love to pass around.

Hugs, Eva

Rebecca said...

GOOD GRIEF. That is all I can say! I have no words. We've had some bad doctor encounters too... but never one this bad!!

Ramona said...

I've read so many things about inappropriate adoption questions/conversation, most of which wouldn't bother me at all. This, however, is very disturbing and I completely felt your discomfort while reading it. 2 weeks after we picked up J someone ask me, "So why did you want another child?" I was so shocked and caught off guard (AND in such a bad place) my jaw just fell open and I responded, "I don't know." It was NOT what I needed to be asked, especially at such a stressful time. It wasn't even the question but the way it was asked, as if I was ridiculous for adding a child to my family. How did I deal? Just went on as if the question was never asked. But if it was my doctor I'd switch doctors. You need to be comfortable with her. BTW - does she have children?

Jackie said...

Love the commments! For the record, I had never been to that doctor -- or even that office. We have new insurance and I needed to see someone earlier than later.

Of course I'll be going to someone else next time! (actually considering filing a complaint but I know she's leaving the office in a few months)

The Family K. said...

Whoomp. I'm speechless.

Anonymous said...

I would say he's a moron!

Anonymous said...

I meant SHE is a moron!

Tami and Bobby Sisemore Family said...

oh my. To be honest I am kinda speechless by the doctor's behavior! I think I would have been in shock and not said much at the time, then when I got home been mad at myself I didn't. I would have to pray and research and then write him a letter while asking for my records to move to a different doctor who actually seemed to care about his patient.

hugs
Tami
Noah's Mama
www.tillGodbringsthemhome.blogspot.com

Sarah and Dan Sullivan said...

OH MY GOD!!!!!! I wouldn't say anything to that doctor except "See ya later you ignorant ape!!" and it might be another three letter word that begins "a" but doesn't end with "pe" That is just amazing!! Where did he go to medical school?? Shocking! p.s. we have two bio kids and are adopting just because we want to.

Anonymous said...

Tell her that you can sit there and educate her but then you'll have to bill her. Frustrating! The only doctor that referred to a mastectomy as "butchering myself" was a woman. I haven't seen her since.

Tamera said...

I would be in too much shock to speak but I guarantee I would be finding a new Dr.

lorabelle said...

Jackie,
Make sure to have your records transferred yourself. Don't ask the new doctor to do it. This will give you the opportunity to send a nice Thank-you card at the same time and it should read something to this effect.
Dear Dr. So & So,
I would like to take this opportunity to Thank you for opening your mouth and showing me what a lovely bedside manner you have. It is obvious to me that while they might have taught you what you needed to know in Medical school that you failed what you needed to learn in the area of Doctor/Patient relations and psych, which by the way most Doctors find to be a very helpful while growing their practice. I won't be needing your services nor will I be referring you to any of my friends or relatives, which by the way I have TONS! And I mean like TONS. You have lost out BIG, like HUGE!!! My advice to you Dr. So & So is to go back to school and retake that course in Human relations and you might want to brush up on your MANNERS as well!
Have a wonderful day and I wish the best, the VERY best with your practice. I have a feeling your going to need it.
Sincerely,
One of the bravest, strongest and proudest Mother, wife, sister & friend who you will ever have had the pleasure meeting...
Okay, so my punctuation and grammar may be a little off, but I think you get where I'm going with this!

Shannon said...

I thought it was a man too! I am floored! Sarah S. cracked me up w/her comment. : )

marina said...

YIKES!! Sometimes peeple make comments like that when they are jealous. Just a thought. She really should have been congratulating you on your strenth and courage - for both the adoption AND the masectomy. SHEESH!

The Becks Family said...

Un-Be-Lievable!! Some people. After she was done with her smart remarks you should have told her to ask you the stress levels question again. Then you could have given her a piece of your mind. ugh!
Holli

Janice said...

Doctors should have to pass an exam to check for complete ignorance & tact before they get their license...

Andrea said...

I would have said thank you so much for your time (and then the rest wouldn't be appropriate for a PG blog :) Seriously!
That is unbelievable.

Nicole said...

wow, i would definitely write a letter to the Dr. and "CC" it to the Office Manager or Hospital Director informing her how hurtful she was and very uneducated she sounded. You should definitely do this to make her aware of her poor judgements and avoid her from doing this to someone else in the future. And believe me, if i was a Hospital Administrator, I would want to know what my Dr.'s are saying to their patients, b/c they're not just the Dr.'s patients, but the hospitals and the hospitals reputation.

So sorry you had to go through this. I had a "i'm so stressed" moment w/ two seperate doctors, one my childrens pediatrician and the other my internal medicine doctor and they were both SO compassionate and understanding how hard it is w/ 3 young children. Never once did they question what i did (adopt our 3rd)!

Thanks for sharing your moment.
nicole

Precious Wonders and Little Monkeys said...

Oh my stars... what I want to say, wouldn't ever be able to be viewed by public. I'm so so sorry. I had an evil nurse when I was in labor with my daughter ... I won't go into it, but just evil (but she was screamed at by 2 family members, my midwife & myself). I am one who can biologically still have children and CHOOSE not to. I was actually in shock that this doctor was a woman... I would think that she would be well-versed at least in the appearance of caring for women's issues. Sad sad, pathetic ignorant thing. Where's her address.... I'll gladly send her an "I chose to adopt" letter. Kiss my fanny you sad cow.... you know those brainless creatures that chew on their cud all day... since you don't have a compassionate brain-cell left, just go eat grass.

Big Hugs to Mrs. Taiwan On! Claps & snaps for making it through this completely unnecessary, unprovoked, ignorant, person supposedly a doctor (I think her stress levels need checking). ~Sigh~

p.s. I told my husband that if they ever find anything resembling cancer... these are gone as well... I completely understand your choice. I'm glad that you are healthy and here... we care about you and you deserve way more than this doctor (okay I'm going to stop talking about her now). Just remember how much you are loved & kids are good stress! =0)

J-Ko said...

omg, it really amazes me how many doctors there are that have zero empathy or even patience for that matter. that doctor sounds terrible!

wtzhpnn said...

To bad I wasn't there...I would of pulled out a can of wooooooooop ass on her!!!!

Jackie said...

What a group of creative and passionate commenters! This was NOT my regular doc, actually was trying her out to see if she would become a regular -- tired of driving an hour to see a good doc. So I'm still in the market for an internist. Guess I can put her in the "hell no" category.