Sunday, February 22, 2009

You're NOT Helping, Barbara Walters

Watching the post-Oscar show with Baba Wawa tonight, she interviewed Oscar host Hugh Jackman. When giving a little bio on him she said, "He's been married 12 years to Deb and they have two adopted children."

Is it necessary to distinguish that a child is adopted VS biological?

I know BW's daughter is adopted so maybe she feels like it's cool to mention, but whenever I see in a magazine... or hear on TV... their "adopted" child (when there's no reason for it), it makes my heart hurt a little bit. Because I'm afraid my kids are growing up in a world that sees adoption as second best.

And for this mama, that ain't OK.

Although, if you did watch that interview... more offensive than the choice of words was the way she forced him to give her a lap dance. I'm off to take a shower.

17 comments:

Kristy Hall said...

Agreed. I have one biological child and just started this whole adoption process and am struck by how many people make such a huge distinction. We're pursuing international adoption so it will be clear enough as it is!

JD said...

I find it odd that it's mentioned in this way as much as it is... but I don't see it as "second best" at all. In many ways, I see it at least as equal, if not better than a biological child. Not that such things can be measured.

Anonymous said...

The way I look at it is that Barbara mentioned it to give him kudos! 99% of the world can have a bio child, but it takes a special person to adopt a child! So, to all you adoptive parents, you deserve an award because you are selfless people that have an amazing soul!!!

Mom to the King and Captain said...

I agree. My husband is adopted and he had relatives when he was young, refer to him as the "adopted child".

momwithfaithandhope said...

I'm sort of torn on this. I know on our blogs we always make the mention of bio or home grown, and adopted, but I think that's because of the audience, the community, educating one another on adopting from different countries, etc. But I'm with you, I don't say to people, this is my bio son, and my adopted daughter. I recently read an article where this successful business owner (Owner of Giggle) cited she was the 3rd of 9 kids, 4 bio kids, 5 adopted, and the countries were included. I wondered about it as I read it, but also found an appreciation for it, because her mother worked for an adoption agency. . .I like to talk about adoption to strangers too. And often bring it up so I have the opportunity to spread the love of adoption. Agreed though - the way BW presented it doesn't help either. Good topic, tough though -

Eva said...

I am torn on this one as well. I was at first offended by the mention of "adopted" kids, as I am a believer that there should not be any distinction, either. However, she later moved onto their choice to adopt mixed race kids and he stated that it was because mixed race kids were turned away every day. The conversation left a positive impression on me overall. In retrospect, the mention of "adopted kids" seemed like a leading statement before they could dive in further about their choices.

Anonymous said...

It's a wonderful thing to adopt a child or even more. What's hurts more is when the child refers to you as step-mom

Paula Perry said...

I aggree that your children are just your children. even when like in our case it is really obvious that they are adopted. i do however think he didn't mean it like that. maybe he just wanted to tell people look i adopted children, come on people why don't you adopt. you know what i mean. Rather than, oh i have two adopted kids (with the underline being that i'd rather had my "own"). So maybe i'd give him a brake. I didn't watch it either maybe i should before say anymore!! :)

Paula Perry said...

ok just watch it. i am sorry i see she said it not him...but it still stands maybe she said it like i have an adopted kid too, isn't it a great thing to do...
The lap dance, that was no nice!

Jackie said...

Thanks for all the comments. I do agree when the subject came up in the actual interview, it felt a bit more in context. I think it's just on the heels of a recent magazine pic where they mentioned a celeb and their "adopted" children... and it just didn't feel as natural.

I do like talking about things that come up and throwing it out there and sharing so thanks again for commenting. It's really great to get different takes on the same topic.

Sarah k said...

You don't just "feel" that way hon.. it is a real real part of this world and how many view adoption. If I hear one more person say to my best friend, one bio at home and now adopting "why would you adopt? you can have your OWN still? You're young.".. I am going to scream or puke. I flat out told the last person that told them that, that it was an ignorant comment and that they just managed to devalue my son!!! Thank you!!! Just puts my buns on fire to hear that ignorant comment!! I was like "SO???? what does it matter that they can have bio? So a kid doesn't deserve a home if YOU can have YOUR OWN?" UGH!!!!!!!!!!!! sorry... I will step off my soap box now..lol..

Sarah k.
Taiwankiddo2.blogspot.com
Taiwanindependentadoptionprizes.blogspot.com

Jennie said...

I wonder about that as well. There are some people who feel it necessary to distinguish our oldest as my husband's "step-daughter." That's fine, but not how we roll. She's his daughter, always has been. There are no half-siblings in our house, just pains in the ass, er, siblings. I think I would feel the same way about a child I adopted.

I agree with anonymous that adoption is a special event, but I hesitate to call it laudable. From everything I hear you and Ramona say, you're the one that's blessed. The birthing pains may be different with adoption, but there is still anxiety, pain, joy and hope.

I don't know. I think motherhood is motherhood, no matter how you got there. We're blessed with our families and bless them in return. I'm uncomfortable with catergorizing families, because at the end of the day, they all make a mess in the living room, right?

Linney said...

anonymous ("step-mom") i completely agree. it is so hard to hear those words come out of that little guys mouth. even though he did ask me the difference between a "real" mom and a "step" mom, and i told him the difference, but told him the love is the same, and he said "yeah, and step-mom's are way cooler!" so i try not to take it to heart when he says step mom. i know he loves me. he has mom and i'm not here to replace her. but it kills me when people say "Adopted" daughter/son. they are so special no matter what way they came into your family.

Linney said...

OH- in reply to your lastest blog, still just a girl, since there are no comments allowed there....i am always saying mothers are too judgmental of eachother. we are all doing our best and could use some support instead of a@$hole comments when they don't know the whole story. i'm sure it is hard to let parts of your life out there for the world. but i think you do a wonderful job and check your blog everyday and love it so much. thanks for what you do....always give me a much needed chuckle! so i hope you see this!

Pam said...

In response to "Just a Girl", I just want you to know how much I respect your honesty. You have made a real effort to open up about the triumphs and tribulations of trying to live a balanced life. We are not Stepford Wives, or players on The Truman Show. Life is messy, chaotic and wonderful all at the same time. Being critical is easy, opening up your life and truly connecting with others is hard. And I think one thing our parents said stands the test of time, "honesty is the best policy." I hope you keep blogging.

Angela said...

Yup I agree. Why distinguish? I am as much my mom's daughter as her 3 biological sons. However, it really helps to just instill in your daughter that even though she's adopted, she's no different. She was chosen. My mom made me a needlepoint that goes something like this: "Not skin of my skin, nor bone of my bones, but still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute, you didn't grow under my heart, but in it." Something like that!

Anonymous said...

THANK YOU! My mom is 61 and adopted...would her mother still have to refer to her as her "adopted daughter" 61 years later????