Thursday, April 3, 2008

Siblings: In Sickness and in Health

Remember way back to 5 days ago when B was hospitalized? Well.. little did I know, his sister was also having her share of poking and prodding—hospitalized for a bad case of bronchitis.

I got this email this morning from our agency who's in Taiwan: "We did not get to see your little one, because they moved her to the hospital to avoid her getting worse with her bronchitus. She was put in the hospital ICU for the first day, then moved to regular ward and she has done better and better the whole time. I think she will be back at the nursery in another day. Don't worry, we had them call while we were there to get an update, they say she is fine now but want to keep her another day just to make sure she is perfectly fine."

Jeff and I thought the worst case was we'd have no court update but at least photos. Wow - we never expected they'd get halfway around the world and couldn't even see Lucy. It never ceases to amaze me how much this process can continue to knock the wind right out of me and leave me feeling helpless and just plain sad.

Our agency did say that given our extended case, SLC has agreed that we could come visit Lucy during the wait. While my first reaction is to drive to the airport, I have some serious concerns. Would that just hurt her development—showing her such love and cuddles and then leaving? Of course it's a huge expense and we don't know if we'd be going back soon after traveling but if I knew it was going to be another 6 mos., I'd feel like we should go.

Here's my question: to those of you who are/have adopted, what's the right thing when it comes to visits—would it help or hurt to go there? I've even considered going there to "foster" her while we wait. Could that even be possible—the Mac family living in Taiwan?

10 comments:

Tisra said...

Whew. I know your heart is aching, hurting, and yearning for your daughter Lucy. I don't have the words that will make this any less miserable, nor do I have advice as I'm not in your shoes (still waiting for referral). But, I am taking your case before God and asking that your family find comfort, peace and joy amidst the trial of this adoption journey and -Please, Lord!- get this judge to do what's necessary FAST! Lucy needs to get home! May you find wisdom, and make the right decisions for your family and your dear girl Lucy. And, I pray, too, that Lucy regains strength and has all the right people caring for her with extreme love in the absence of her Mommy and Daddy!

Yvonne Crawford said...

wow, what a heavy heart you must have!!! I'm so sorry you still have no word of a court date.

I personally would jump at the chance to foster our son in Taiwan, but our agency just changed their stance on it and we are no longer allowed to, or visit. Would I go visit if I could??? Wow, I don't know. That's a very very hard call.

Since I'm obviously no help, I'll pray for you that you do what is best for everyone and I'll pray that your process speeds up!

Tsang Family said...

Jackie,
I posted to you on the group but I hadn't read about the fostering when I posted. I think you have a lot of things to consider and I have no idea what would be the best thing to do but I do know that it would be very hard to visit and then leave. If you could afford to go over there and do it I think it would be an amazing experience. Whatever you decide we are continuing to pray for Lucy's case to speed up and we all love your video and song!
Lori

Andrea said...

I am so sorry Lucy is sick. It sounds like your agency is staying on top her health though which is wonderful.
I don't know much about fostering except that most agencies don't allow it. There is only one family I know of who has done fostering, Ben and Bethany I think their site is www.benandbethany.us if you want to try to ask them about it. They used JOH and Violet was in foster care. I don't know if that makes a difference. As hard as it would be I would probably not visit because I think it would be hard to leave for everyone, especially for your other kids. One family did visit, I think it was Lynne (Jacob's mom) from the adoption group. You could ask who it was and maybe get some feedback about how it was for her.
I really feel for you. We waited 8 months from referral to gotcha day and it was the hardest of my entire life.
Stay positive! I love the Lucy Song. Lucy's dad is a pretty awesome guy :)

Lynn said...

Poor baby, I am praying for your sweet Lucy and your family. Does your agency have any idea how much longer? I may have missed that.

Bethany said...

I saw your plea for input on the Adopting from Taiwan board. I am very much pro visiting or fostering! In regards to visiting, although it would be hard to leave Lucy after meeting her I feel it is so beneficial to give her an opportunity to meet you before she joins your family permanently.

As far as fostering is concerned there is so much to consider! Are you even permitted to? Where would you stay? Are you a good traveler? It can be very difficult to add a new child to the family, especially when you're in an unfamiliar land for an undetermined and extended period of time. How would you communicate? I've never been to Tainan... When we were in Fengyuan we very rarely encountered English speakers. Would you be comfortable enough in this type of setting? These are just some of the initial questions that come to mind. I'm asking them rhetorically of course.

I am SO glad Ben and I had the opportunity to foster V! I am a big proponent of foster-adopt for families that can do it. Please let me know if I can help answer any questions you might have about it.

I hope you guys are able to visit or foster!

Bethany

Andrea said...

You know what I would do? I would pray about it and do what God tells you to do. If you go and visit her, will she know that you are her mother? Will you be there long enough for her to miss you when you leave? Will you look like the other visitors that she probably sees all the time. Are you sure that she would feel a loss when you leave? Or would she not really know the difference? You would know that she is well, and it might make the rest of the wait a little easier. Can you go and stay in Taiwan until you can bring her home? Could you and your husband take turns? All questions that would help you decide. I know that it would probably be expensive, but if the CCAA(our baby is in China) said" here is your daughter, the paperwork will take 6 to 8 months to finish, but you can come and visit her or stay if you want." I would go. If I could afford it, I would go. As Crazy as that sounds.
Pray about it.

xoxo,
A

Anonymous said...

I had the opportunity to go visit our son while we waited for an endless court process and I would highly recommend it. Everyone at St. Lucy's was wonderful. (Our paperwork went in March and I visited in July.) Our agency normally doesn't allow or encourage visits, but we learned in June that our son had a special need that no one was aware of at referral. I went to meet with his doctors and find out if there was medical attention we should be asking for while we waited to bring him home. I spent three days in a hotel with him, taking him to the doctors on two of those days (and sitting out a typhoon on the other). When it was time to go home I cried all the way home, not knowing how much longer we'd have to wait to bring him home. But for the remainder of the wait I held the memory of holding my precious boy close. Being with him was so worth the pain of leaving him behind. We finally got decrees in September and brought him home in October.

Megan said...

Hey Jackie, That is exciting to go visit and heartbreaking at the same time. Could you go for like a month or 2 and visit her every day? I looked into fostering and they said I could not because there was no decree and if something should not work out in the court (which never happens) they usually don't let it. But I would take them up on it go see her try to stay as long as possible if you can. What a great experience for your whole family.
XOXO,
Megan

Lori & Michael said...

My heart goes out to you as you make this decision. I have no idea what I would do in your shoes. For us, we had to visit (Russia requires it)and we didn't have any little ones at home to consider so it was a very different situation. That being said, it was an amazing experience and I feel blessed to have memories and pictures of Aaden with us at 15 months old because he'll never be that little again. We were not there very long and it was heartbreaking for me to leave but he didn't really mind. It was worth every ounce of pain to have that precious time with him. I'm thinking of you as you make this decision. There really is no right or wrong, just go with your heart.

Hugs,
Lori