Saturday, June 13, 2009

Does This Post Make My Butt Look Big?

Picture the scenario...

We're getting ready for the last-day-of-preschool picnic, where all three of our kids will be presented with their "me" books -- Jacob, off to kindergarten, Brady, graduating to the Pre-K room and Lucy, a graduate of the parent/tot class and soon to start summer camp as an official preschooler.

To mark the occasion, I wanted to wear a little something special. Nothing too crazy but perhaps a new summer dress to celebrate my kids accomplishments and the smokin' hot season's arrival. Because I don't shop the way I used to -- how I miss dropping ridiculous money at my favorite boutiques -- I grabbed my 30% off coupon and headed down to the local department store (I won't mention which but it rhymes with Schmohl's). I got myself one of those little numbers that you imagine on some young, adorable little thing and think 'if it looks half as good, I'll be ok.'

I bring home my purchase and try it on for Jeff. If only I could find the words to clearly communicate the expression on his face when I modeled my purchase, giving it a little twirl. It was like he was at dinner at a girlfriend's parents for the first time and just bit into a chunk of tomato. Not as bad as if it had been an onion but certainly not his favorite. But the nice guy my husband is, he's one to just grin and bear it.

I recognized the conflicted expression on his scruffy face but since we needed to pick up, I mean MAKE, our homemade picnic dinner for the event, I ignored his reaction and we went happily on our way.

Later that evening, with Jeff off to work and after finally getting the kids down to bed, I uploaded the pictures from the picnic. Along with the adorable shots of my kids with their teachers and receiving their commemorative books, was THIS...



HOLY RUMP, BATMAN!

First of all, I am sincerely hoping images in photo are smaller than they appear (Jeff says "it's a bad angle"). I know it's been a while since a good workout and I've been living for two weeks without a scale but WHOAH. Note to self: lay off the wine and chocolate.

If you were a betting person (aren't we all?), I would put money on my making the trek down to Schmohl's to return a certain item this morning. And honey, next time I ask... give it to me straight. With these nice readers as my witness, I beg you to never let me leave the house looking like a house -- ever again.

17 comments:

Mocha Dad said...

Remember that the camera adds 10 pounds.

Sugar Jones said...

That is hilarious! Nothing like the reality of photos to snap us back. Wine and chocolate are temptresses for sure. That's why I wore solid black last night. Working on losing my rumpus.

Great site!

Michelle said...

I can say that it has to be a REALLY bad angle. Your so do not look like that...return it and get your money back!!!

Anonymous said...

"Not as bad as if it had been an onion"

Sweetie, it is an onion.

Eva said...

This is too funny!! You cracked me up! I am pretty certain that you don't look like that. It must have just been a bad angle.

Eva

Expecting Good Things said...

It is definetely a bad angle but I'm laughing my a** off. Get it? ok. dumb. You are a brave lady to post that picture. I really did laugh outloud though.
Holli

Michelle said...

Hey Anonymous...I love sweet onions!

Em said...

How long have you guys been married?!

He should have taken one look through the viewfinder and stopped clicking - men.

Welcome to SiTS!

(you're hilarious - I'll be back!)

Donna said...

I think it's the angle. :) I know how you feel...I used to be so thin...size 4 and could eat ANYTHING and now am 10-12 (and still thinking I can eat ANYTHING) and have a triple layer of fat on my belly, no exaggeration. I asked hubby just last night to honestly tell me if I needed to lose weight and he said yes, a little. He wasn't being rude, just honest. It sucks. And I really miss those cute clothes. I'm finding big, huge tent dresses attractive since they cover everything. :(

momwithfaithandhope said...

It's the angle and your position. Squish anything and it gets wider, right? Squatting is squishing. Return it and tell Jeff, we're all for "givin it to us straight" -

Thanks for the laugh!

Becky, Dean, Drew & Luci said...

I only WISH my butt looked as big as yours! ;-)

Ramona said...

Bad post! Bad angle! I hate when posts and angles misbehave! Nice dress, though.

Jen and Jeff said...

You are too funny! I am sure it's just the shot but I know what you mean. We ALL have been there. My favorite is when I was trying on some cute trendy outfits at a hip store (cause in my mind I am still in my 20's or 30's and can get away with it) and my Jeff says "isn't this store for young girls?" Thanks, honey. Okay, I get the hint! :-)

BTW, wine and chocolate are my downfalls, too, plus my absolute favorite: cheese and crackers!!

Amy, Ryan, Aidan and Lauren said...

Thanks for making me laugh in between editing articles this afternoon! I have wearing a lot of sleeveless stuff lately and have been feeling like my arms are looking good and strong, and recently had a picture seriously prove me wrong.

Papa said...

There is a new study just released by the American Psychiatric Association about women and how they feel about their asses. The results are pretty shocking:

1. 5% of women surveyed feel their ass is too big.
2. 10% of women surveyed feel their ass is too small.
3. 85% say they don't care; they love him; he's a good man and they would have married him anyway.

resplendentlife said...

Thank you so much for posting this! You are so brave and this was a great laugh. All I can sya is...happens to the best of us. Yours truly included.
BTW, welcome to SITS!!!

Rowena said...

This is what I love about your blog - your honesty. Some try hard to be funny but you just have the gift to do it in one single photo or a one-liner post!

Thanks for keeping it real!