Friday, February 20, 2009

You Hate Me. You Really Hate Me!

Someone once told me, you haven't really made it on the Web until somebody hates you. While those words might be a little strong (or not), I may have made it! I wrote a guest post for today and lots of people have taken time out of their busy day to tell me how wrong I am.

Woo hoo!
I'm a blogger. My goal is to get people to talk about things -- possibly even think a little differently. So when a reader took the time to read my post on momlogic, then find my blog through my byline... and then find my email and comment directly to me -- it couldn't have pleased me more. I was going to post her comment here but how 'bout I just sum it up with 'she used lots of exclamation points and capital letters.'

Here's the post she commented on. Feel free to disagree.

Taking Octuplets Away Not the Answer!

Taking Nadya's kids away is not the answer, says one mom.

Jackie: I think by now we've all read enough about the octuplets mom. I've had it just as much as the next mom. But there's one thing keeps getting mentioned that I just can't let go.

"They should take those kids away."

Listen, I get it. Nadya Suleman is a bucket overflowing with all kinds of crazy. She has some serious emotional issues and is in desperate need of help -- of the therapist and nanny kind.

But should she really lose her kids?

I'm sure some just say it flippantly and don't necessarily believe it. But others are seriously calling for the removal of her 14 children. And that just makes me sad.

"What about her finances? She's on welfare!"

Are California taxpayers footing the bill? Yes. And being from the bankrupt Golden State, that ticks me off too. But there are millions of people all over this country receiving some sort of financial assistance -- disablity, welfare, you name it. And many of those families continue to have kids (gasp!). The difference is, they have them one at a time, falling under the radar of the rest of the country. There's nobody outside their door (or on national television) calling to have their kids ripped from them.

"She couldn't possibly give them all the love they need."

If you are a person who has uttered the above statement, come closer so I can slap you. Have we forgotten that in countless cultures around the world, it is customary for big families to all co-exist under one roof? Are we going to seek out all of them and pull them apart, just because it doesn't seem to fit what we think is 'normal'? Being my mother's eleventh child, I can honestly say that I couldn't have been loved any more than I was growing up. Was it chaos? Hell, yeah. But it was my chaos. They're my family -- my lifeline. Not a day went by that I didn't know my parents, brothers and sisters would do anything for me -- they still would. But how would you feel if you knew sometimes I felt sorry for you, growing up with one sibling. Looks pretty lonely from this angle.

"But have you seen her house? What a mess!"

Yeah, I get it... she's a slob. I saw the pictures, too. But I'd be the first mom to start worrying if families were torn apart every time the house was out of control... or children weren't given enough attention... or Mommy was acting a little nuts. Damn, CPS would be on their way to my house right now. What do you think is happening here while I write this post?

Unless in danger of abuse -- emotional, physical or mental, children belong with their mother. Period. And we, as a society, should do everything in our power to help families stay together, supporting them in any way possible.

Being an adoptive mother myself, I am thankful every day that I get to raise my daughter. But I wish it were different. Raising Lucy is Plan B. It doesn't mean I don't love her like she came from my own flesh and bones -- oh my God, I do. It just means Plan A would've been that her birth mother be in better health with enough support and resources to care for her. Plan A would be that my daughter wouldn't grow up feeling such a tremendous loss, wondering if her biological mother really loved her.

So before get on your high horse and judge, take a good long look at your own life.

It should be easy to spot from that glass house you're living in.


Tisra said...

C'mon, Jackie- you're being too harsh! LEVEL HEADED DEBATE ALWAYS OCCURS WITH EXCLAMATIONS AND ALL CAPS!!!! (sorry- couldn't resist) :-)

I hadn't read the momlogic article you wrote about the mom to the octuplets. I totally agree with your argument. When judging comes into play, you enter dangerous waters. Well said.

Becky, Drew and Luci said...

I couldn't agree with you more! She's definitely a looney bin, no doubt about it! The fact that she's on welfare is always a sticking point...but I don't think they need to be taken away from her...YET! I say yet, not because it's her, but I believe ALL parents, those to 14 kids and those to just one, need to prove to their kids that they can be loving, stable and functional parents. I believe her when she says she didn't expect any more than twins, she had 6 embryos implanted for the 6 previous kids, all singletons. The fact that she got more than she bargained for doesn't mean they should be yanked from her! I can't imagine!! Now, should she really prove to be too far gone to actually care for them, then yes, by all means, put the kids someplace stable, but let her give it her best shot first! If it's one thing I absolutely detest, it is a "holier-than-thou" who thinks they know better than you do!

momwithfaithandhope said...

Congrats - you've arrived. Although I thought you already had!! Unfortunately no juicy stuff here - I completely agree with you. In fact, often I think poverty leads to higher number of births because while they can't have a big house, or fancy car, they can have their children. Their family. No one can stop it. I, like you, believe we are plan B for these children who were born unto a birth family and for whatever reason plan A didn't work. Sure, she got more than she bargained for, but didn't we all? I'm near certain if Gracyn were given the choice between a birth family and a household of 14 kids, and us, she'd choose her birth family. Wow, did I just write that? I hope I don't get hate-mail. Don't get me wrong, I'm blessed to have been plan B. But I also accept that I'm plan B. If those kids are loved, and wanted, and aren't being harmed, leave 'em where they belong.

Anonymous said...

I read the article but missed the comments (surprise!). Yes,baby-cakes, you've arrived. And I, for one, liked your take on the issue.

Erin said...

Exactly. As up in arms as I am about her, I can't imagine taking her babies away from her.

Is it weird that I'm kinda jealous about your hate mail? Just kinda...

Anonymous said...

Hate to break it to you, dude but this hate thing is hardly new. I've hated you for quite a while. Most of us have.

You walk around all smart and funny and talented and being a good friend and making tough decisions to take care of yourself and being a kick-ass mom and having a supercute husband and adopting a baby. Who the hell wouldn't hate you?!? That's bad enough. But then, you got the big idea that you have an opinion and it's worth sharing? Who do you think you are Miss Gets-To-Have-An-Opinion? I'm not even sure if that's legal any more. You are the absolute worst thing out there - even worse than traffic school, brussels sprouts and standing behind people who still write checks at Ralphs and if you've had to experience any of those you know how truly horrible that is.

I say Jackie Mac has a helluva lot of nerve having an opinion that's not the exact opinion of everyone else's opinion but that's just my opinion. You got ovaries for days (oops, sorry) to try to have an opinion that's topical and gets people thinking. We don't need to think! We can watch Fox News and they can just tell us what to think. That's what I think but that's just my opinion.

I think.

The family of six said...

Jackie - that's very interesting. My reaction - and I even said it in a previous post on your blog was that the babies should be taken from her. I just can't imagine that she could take care of all those babies the way that a child deserves to be taken care of. I guess that was wrong to judge that way. I am relieved in a way when you point out that you were a child of 13 and felt that you had a good childhood. I hope that is true. You have to admit that it's not natural to have so many babies at once. I really hope that you are right and she can rise to the job. Your attitude gives me some hope for her - maybe I was looking at her from my own glass house. Thanks for opening my eyes to that. Interesting! I have been fascinated by her story.

Unknown said...

I read this on the other blog, but I agree with you. My mom was one of ten, and I know another family of eleven. There are huge families that are full of love and kids who turned out great, and only children who are miserable and abused. You've said it all wonderfully!

Briana Ward said...

Thanks for speaking up! I agree with you 100% and just for the record we think your are wonderful!

Unknown said...

I totally agree with what you're saying. <3

crazy4chapstick said...

just thought i would let you know...that original post is what made me find you and start following you on here.
so, bravo!