I've heard some pretty clueless stuff during the adoption process and since coming home with Lucy but some just need to be talked about.
A woman in one of my adoption groups -- a thoughtful, generous, loving mother -- was recently berated by a relative when he heard she was having a raffle in order to raise funds for her adoption. Hey, think what you want about fund raising... but he actually questioned her ability to afford to "buy a baby." Are you kidding... buying a baby? I've been known to buy a pair of fabulous boots when I shouldn't... or perhaps a new holiday dress when we're supposed to be spending only on the kids... but, unless a kid comes with a gift receipt, do us all a favor and don't call it "buying babies."
Adoption is not cheap. That's no secret. In fact, many people go into debt, or save for years, or find creative ways to raise the money. Someone recently asked me 'how much Lucy cost' but at that moment, I was able to blow it off. But if we had Lucy biologically or even adopted her at birth, if you were to add up the bills being pregnant, giving birth (with a PPO plan that covers 80%), buying all the necessities a baby needs from birth to 19 mos -- diapers, formula, clothes, mommy & me classes, gas to doctor appointments -- never mind all the things that come up unexpectedly, I think we actually got the better end of the financial bargain. Yes, we provided money but it was money that a non-profit nursery needed after spending thousands taking care of our daughter for a year and a half when no one else could.
I have found over the past few months that I actually have handled the stares, questions and -- sometimes ignorant -- comments better than I expected I would. But, if I could still give those people a bit of advice, I would say... If you think it might be taken the wrong way, it probably will. So take a deep breath, smile and keep walking.