The Law of Attraction: Minivan Edition

What was that line about being careful what you wish for?

It was just earlier this month that I wrote about my hate/hate relationship with my minivan. (In case you missed it -- here you go!) I couldn't go online, take my kids to school or watch TV without noticing countless other cars I'd rather be driving than my silver 'Hotyssey.' It's a lovely ride but there's something about it that evokes feelings of mid-life crisis and leaves me longing for the pre-kid me (not to be mistaken for life pre-kids).

Flash forward ten days or so after I hit publish on that post and BAM -- my car is hit. Jeff and the two littlest ones had just left the house a few minutes before (I was actually set to meet them after picking up supplies I needed to volunteer in Lucy's class) and didn't even get more than a mile away when they were rear ended while stopped at a red light.

Kirstie Alley Made Me Cry

It's not the first time a celebrity stirred up some strong emotions within me. But unlike the time I was 16 and Roger Clemens called me a b*%#h, or the time that Ryan Seacrest tried to take me down on the air,  this time the emotion was positive.

I haven't watched Dancing with the Stars for the past few seasons (mostly because they seem to be taking great liberty with the work 'stars' -- I recognize probably 25% of the cast these days). But I usually find myself checking it out during the finale, when the dancing has actually gotten pretty good and the competition heats up.

But today, when I did a search for  Kirstie Alley's video from last night, I never would have guessed I would find myself weeping like a pageant winner on her final walk (picture the shaking hands up by my face, mascara running...)

Boys Are Gross and Other Gems I've Learned from My Son

May 20, 2004 It was not only the day the world was blessed with the birth of a human being who will forever leave his mark wherever he goes... it was the day I could finally call myself a mom -- something I had dreamed of becoming for as long as I can remember.

I've had this post in my head for weeks now. I would write a tribute to my first born child on his 7th birthday -- sharing all of my love, adoration and admiration for the boy he is. I would describe the feelings I had the day he was born, how his ability to learn, grow and never give up inspires me to be a better person... how his sense of humor and creativity sparks a side of me I didn't know I had. I would gush over how he has been able to face challenges head on and constantly surprise and amaze us with his strength, determination and unwavering sense of self.

But who wants to read about all that?

Open Thread: What's On Your Mind?

This week is filled with nursing colds/fevers, prepping for someone's birthday and working on some big surprises for TSW readers. Besides, sometimes I'm tired of hearing from me.

What's on your mind? Let's hear it in the comments!

Schwarzenegger Hides His Love Child

News broke this morning that Arnold Schwarzenegger fathered a child more than ten years ago, hiding that bit of news from wife Maria Shriver until he completed his role as Governator. (Here's the full story)

"After leaving the governor's office I told my wife about this event, which occurred over a decade ago," Arnold said in a statement. "I understand and deserve the feelings of anger and disappointment among my friends and family. There are no excuses and I take full responsibility for the hurt I have caused. I have apologized to Maria, my children and my family. I am truly sorry."

What Arnold doesn't seem to understand (at least from that statement), is that he pulled a maneuver that makes extramarital sex look as inconsequential as spouting off empty campaign promises. Having sex outside of your marriage is wrong. Very wrong. But as details are uncovered surrounding the Kindergarten Cop's personal life, his affair seems to be the least of it all.

1. Arnold's relations were with a household staffer. Seriously, Arnold? Rumor has it you like the ladies but you can't leave the damn house to find a willing participant? I can't imagine my husband betraying my trust right under the same roof we work on our marriage and raise our children.

My Husband, The Life Saver

 I grew up in a huge family...

Jeff grew up with one brother.

I use a piece of paper towel until it's completely covered in spills, dirt and other gems the kids leave behind...

Jeff dries his hands and tosses it out.

I pay attention to sales, use discount codes and have a drawer full of those constantly-arriving Bed, Bath and Beyond coupons (even though I haven't shopped there in who knows how long)...

Just Say 'No' to Baby Showers?

This photo from Victoria Beckham's baby shower has been popping up all over the Internet. Posh Spice, who's expecting her fourth child -- and first girl -- is seen wrapped in toilet paper during what looks like a silly shower game.

I don't know what's more surprising, the appearance that Mrs. Beckham could actually have a sense of humor or the fact that she's having a shower for kid #4. I can imagine that after having three boys (11, 8 and 5), she's excited to celebrate the arrival of her little girl, but do you think her celebrity friends are a little annoyed that they have to drop another $500 on a onesie?

Celebrities aside, more women seem to be having baby showers to celebrate the arrival of each and every kid. On the one hand, it's nice to see a fuss made over all babies -- and not just the first -- but for those of us in the real world, is it a little much to expect friends and family to endure the games (and cost of a gift), just because you've decided to become a pro at procreation?

What are your thoughts?

Bridesmaids Opens in Theaters: 13 Years Later?

Bridesmaids, which opened yesterday in theaters, is said to be one of the funniest, laugh-out-loud comedies of the year. But is it just a ripoff?

Check out how much the stars look like another set of Halloween-costumed bridesmaids (circa 1998)?

The Rise and Fall of Customer Service

I was ready to seize the day. My mission: To stop procrastinating and start checking tasks off my never-ending to-do list.

Task #1: Pull Christmas lights down

I'm kidding but my inability to make things happen lately leaves me with a car full of store returns, clothes to have cleaned and projects to complete. In order to prioritize, I combed through the endless errands and focused on those that are really important -- like replacing the two front tires on my car. "Easy enough," I thought. (I should have known considering this post I wrote in 2009)

A Mother's Emotional Odyssey

As the sea of silver surrounds me, my head starts to spin. A wave of nausea takes over and I can feel sweat dripping from my palms.

Where am I?

Confusion bubbles up inside my body, beginning a duel with it's cousin frustration, both looking to be top dog in the fight to take over my entire being. I felt so vulnerable as I grasped the tiny hands of my children, trying to protect them from my fear, yet I couldn't find the ability to lead them to safety.

"Look Mommy, that's just like ours!"

Lucy's squeal brings me back to reality. I take a deep breath and give her a smile that it's all going to be okay. For the drama isn't something new or life-threatening, but just another day for a mom in the suburbs -- trying to locate her publicly-parked silver minivan...

The Mother of All Battles

Happy Mother's Day! If you're a mom, grandma, guardian, physical, mental or emotional mom-stand-in, this weekend is all about you.

That is, unless you spend it sans kids.

Hear me out. For the past six years, I've noticed that along with the day to honor Mom, also comes the mother of all debates.

Is it okay to spend Mother's Day without your children?

Chances are, you have an opinion about this -- maybe an intense one. But since when is it okay for moms to use the holiday as an opportunity to judge and criticize each other? Just ask around! I've talked with women who pretty much base a mom's worth on whether she spends time with her family on Mother's Day or instead, may choose to take on the day alone or with girlfriends.

Osama Bin Laden Dead: What Are You Teaching Your Children?

As Jeff and I settled into our seats during a rare last-minute date night at the movies, I checked my phone before turning off the ringer. Quickly, I realized that the Web was abuzz as news that Osama Bin Laden was killed hit Facebook and Twitter.

"Ding dong, the witch is dead!"

Photoshopped pictures of Bin Laden, President Obama and even the Statue of Liberty appeared alongside cheers of celebration, dominating social networks and the news. I had chills as I watched it all unfold, knowing this is a huge moment in history.

But something kept nagging at me. This didn't feel like a celebration at all.

Big News and a Shout Out!

Welcome to The Silver Whining! I'm loving all of the new readers over the past several weeks and grateful for so many of you who've been here all along. What started as an adoption blog in 2007, TSW has taken some twists and turns in search of its voice. While some may call me a 'mommy blogger' (a title that makes me cringe just a little every time I hear it), my opinions can't be contained to parenting so why should this blog be?

Check out my In the Media page to hear my relationship debate with Ryan Seacrest and talk sex vs. sleep with Teri Hatcher. 

In the coming weeks, TSW will be undergoing a makeover! (I'll pause so you can express your excitement with a big WOO HOO!) The site will become a more easily-navigated destination with topics ranging from news, pop culture, parenting, special needs (including autism), adoption, relationships, reviews and more. (Psst... now's the perfect time to get some great advertising rates.)

Mom for Hire! Click here...

In addition, I've been working hard on a video magazine (name TBD) where I connect real people and their questions/issues with experts who will rock their world. Therapist Stacy Kaiser, OB/Gyn Dr. Suzanne Gilberg-Lenz, Stylist Stacy Herb, Emmy-Winning Makeup Artist, Jan Ping and Waxing expert Jan Marie are just some of the gurus working with several of my favorite peeps -- Yvonne from Joy Unexpected, Lena from The Cheeky Lotus, author/advocate Kim Goldman, the talented Renee Bowen and her hilarious and equally-talented husband Andrew Bowen, Andrea Levin of Bedtimes are for Suckers, Jennifer Brandt of Perfectly Disheveled and so many more.

Like The Silver Whining on Facebook

Oh and did I mention that I'm also working on the soon-to-be launched Broadscast, a podcast hosted by writer/advocate (and dear friend) Kim Goldman and myself. Broadscast is an irreverent look at the world and the note-worthy people who make their mark on it. With topics as broad as our butts (well, at least mine), the show promises to be strong enough for a man, but made for a broad.

And in my spare time, I'm writing for other sites (and hopefully soon, a magazine or two), some TV clients and also doing some Web consulting, as well as writing my very first book. Who needs to sleep, right?

Thanks for coming along for the ride! As always, comments, ideas and suggestions are more than welcome! Now, tell me about YOU!

TUNE IN: Jackie Talks "The Talk"

Unlike my false Today Show alarm (apparently the trashy doll segment never aired), I am said to be appearing on today's episode of The Talk (CBS, 2pm ET / 1pm CT/PT).

My relationship with The Talk began a few months back when I was invited -- along with several other southern California bloggers -- to attend a taping and luncheon with the hosts. Given my pre-kid experience working on talk shows (including Sharon Osborne's show back in 2003/2004), I was excited to merge my two professional worlds -- daytime TV and 'mom' blogging.

It was a fantastic experience. The show had a great energy, the hosts were engaging and the episode was just one example of the difference they're trying to make, in addition to entertaining viewers. But it was after the show that made The Talk stand out. Every one of the hosts was genuinely interested in hearing what we thought of the show and how we thought it could be improved. It was refreshing to be around personalities who understand that without viewers, the show cannot succeed. (Keep reading)

Is It Okay to Play Hooky?

Growing up, we would spend almost every April vacation in Florida. (Before I get emails accusing me of being a spoiled privileged brat, first picture how hard my dad, a dedicated elevator repairman worked to afford this and how much bickering they must have endured squeezing at least 11 kids at a time into an RV for the 1500 mile trip to Orlando.) Seriously, I'm not even half the parent - I practically lose my patience driving three kids in my minivan across town.

Spring Break: Past and Present

My 40th birthday on April 2 was not only the beginning of the "extended play" period of my life, but also kicked off spring break. I couldn't help but reminisce about spring breaks past and chuckle at the evolution of my behavior, something best explained in song.

But since I can't write music and have a voice that could break glass, I'll instead use photographs to accurately portray how that crazy week off has changed since having kids. If you're single, under 30 and trying to hide evidence of the havoc you wreaked, I don't suggest you look at the second image -- it will scare you to death.

BEFORE KIDS (When in Mexico...)

AFTER KIDS...

The Lies Behind Breastfeeding

Dolls that breastfeed and the lies lactating women tell: What do you think?

Today was day 1 of my new semi-regular gig on a local radio show. While I have a lot to say about the show itself -- the host is also Boston-bred, lives in my community, yet we share very little of the same opinions -- we'll save that for another day. I want to discuss today's topic.

Move over hoochie Barbie and your scantily clad counterparts, there's a new doll on the market...

Food Coma

Thought I'd share this classic video from more than two years ago.



Who says men can't multitask?

The Post 18 Years in the Making

AKA How I faced my ultimate fear and lived to tell about it



It was a beautiful May day in Cozumel when I had one of my most brilliant ideas ever. Let's go horseback riding! I squealed to my friend, Melissa. The next thing we knew, we were on a couple of healthy-not-at-all-abused bucking broncos. Well, at least my horse was of the bucking variety.

After a quick run down the beach, I discovered that my horse had decided that my instructions were not acceptable and we were moving quickly toward to woods where the horses were kept.

So I did what any 22 year old inexperienced rider on her first grownup vacation in a foreign country would do.

I jumped.

Name the April Fool!

This week has been a whirlwind. Trying to plan a Friday night out with the girls, while Jeff pulls together a little party for my birthday has kept us both scrambling. Then there's that little responsibility called the kiddos.

But because things have been so... uh, interesting... I thought I would throw out a few situations going on this week and leave you to guess which one is my April Fool's Day trick!