Growing up, we would spend almost every April vacation in Florida. (Before I get emails accusing me of being a spoiled privileged brat, first picture how hard my dad, a dedicated elevator repairman worked to afford this and how much bickering they must have endured squeezing at least 11 kids at a time into an RV for the 1500 mile trip to Orlando.) Seriously, I'm not even half the parent - I practically lose my patience driving three kids in my minivan across town.
Showing posts with label question of the day. Show all posts
Showing posts with label question of the day. Show all posts
Friday, April 22, 2011
Monday, December 6, 2010
Is Being Cute a Curse?
My daughter is adorable. It's really one of those inarguable things -- like the earth is round and reality TV will ultimately lead to the demise of civilization as we know it. But it's not just the shape of her face or her room-lightening smile, it's that she complements it with such personality; tiny, yet sassy... confident, yet vulnerable and oh so curious.
Lucy is told at least ten times a week that she's cute. I'm not exaggerating, that's actually an conservative estimate. She's often given extra treats... finds her way to the front of the line... and isn't always held accountable the way some kids are (which is another post coming soon).
But this post isn't about bragging over my child's looks. Because, first of all, I can't take any credit for her appearance -- her birth parents get that. But secondly, being attractive isn't an accomplishment. It isn't something one should rely on or be congratulated for. While I, too, think she's irresistible, I don't want her growing up thinking she can just turn it on to get whatever she wants. At three years old, that might be OK but what happens when she's 8? Or an awkward teenager? If she's not equipped with a strong self esteem and awareness of all she has to offer above appearances, then she's going to find herself struggling, with little confidence.
Does telling a child they're cute hurt them in the long run?
I'm no expert, just an (overly) concerned mom. So I turned to psychotherapist and author, Stacy Kaiser, to weigh in on the cute kid topic. "Will she learn she'll get things because she's pretty? Probably. But parents are the greatest influence on kids, not others they meet out in the world. If you keep her grounded, she will be."
As for my concern that she'll lean on her looks as she makes her way through life, Kaiser says, "People who need physical validation do because of something at home. They were either encouraged to do the pageant thing or their parents are obsessed with how they look. Teach her to be down to earth and grounded, pointing out more important things like how smart she is or that she's a good person with a great heart... in the end, that's what will stay with her."
What do you think? Can the comments ever be too much of a good thing?
Lucy is told at least ten times a week that she's cute. I'm not exaggerating, that's actually an conservative estimate. She's often given extra treats... finds her way to the front of the line... and isn't always held accountable the way some kids are (which is another post coming soon).
But this post isn't about bragging over my child's looks. Because, first of all, I can't take any credit for her appearance -- her birth parents get that. But secondly, being attractive isn't an accomplishment. It isn't something one should rely on or be congratulated for. While I, too, think she's irresistible, I don't want her growing up thinking she can just turn it on to get whatever she wants. At three years old, that might be OK but what happens when she's 8? Or an awkward teenager? If she's not equipped with a strong self esteem and awareness of all she has to offer above appearances, then she's going to find herself struggling, with little confidence.
Does telling a child they're cute hurt them in the long run?
I'm no expert, just an (overly) concerned mom. So I turned to psychotherapist and author, Stacy Kaiser, to weigh in on the cute kid topic. "Will she learn she'll get things because she's pretty? Probably. But parents are the greatest influence on kids, not others they meet out in the world. If you keep her grounded, she will be."
As for my concern that she'll lean on her looks as she makes her way through life, Kaiser says, "People who need physical validation do because of something at home. They were either encouraged to do the pageant thing or their parents are obsessed with how they look. Teach her to be down to earth and grounded, pointing out more important things like how smart she is or that she's a good person with a great heart... in the end, that's what will stay with her."
What do you think? Can the comments ever be too much of a good thing?
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
RESEARCH: Do Good Moms Make Bad Wives?
As I mentioned last week, I'll be using TSW to tap into the thoughts and opinions of my readers, sometimes using your comments for Web or magazine articles I'm writing or even future blog posts here. This is one of those times.
Recently, I had an honest conversation with a woman I know who's going through a pretty significant transition, both within her marriage and as a mom. We talked about how hard most moms work for the kids, sacrificing ourselves -- and often marriages -- in the process.
It made me wonder... with all it takes to be a "good mom," can you possibly be a "good wife" too? Is one more important than the other? Which are you better at? I have some strong thoughts on this (which you'll be able to read on tomorrow's family.com post).
PS While I have been known to use Facebook to get responses, I think people are so concerned to not have conflicting opinions... here, you are free to use any name and stay anonymous!
Recently, I had an honest conversation with a woman I know who's going through a pretty significant transition, both within her marriage and as a mom. We talked about how hard most moms work for the kids, sacrificing ourselves -- and often marriages -- in the process.
It made me wonder... with all it takes to be a "good mom," can you possibly be a "good wife" too? Is one more important than the other? Which are you better at? I have some strong thoughts on this (which you'll be able to read on tomorrow's family.com post).
PS While I have been known to use Facebook to get responses, I think people are so concerned to not have conflicting opinions... here, you are free to use any name and stay anonymous!
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