For My Daughter On Her First Birthday

This article is currently running on Mom Logic. I look forward to the day when Lucy will read it for herself and know how much we missed her.

Diary of an Adopting Mom: Why my baby girl's big day is bittersweet.

Baby's first birthday—an occasion filled with emotion, promise and joy. It's a time where Moms look back and see how far they've come—you've made it through an entire year of sleepless nights, changing diapers, teething, countless doctor visits and so many milestones. The first smile and roll over is replaced with first steps and first words. And that very first birthday cake— it almost always ends in confectionery destruction and photos that will be pulled out through the years, along with fond memories.

But not for our family.

While the cake will be made and the gifts bought, my daughter, Lucy, will spend her first birthday, today, in a Taiwanese orphanage a world away. She'll have no idea that she has a Mommy and Daddy and two big brothers who wake up each day hoping this is the day the adoption will be finalized—that it's us who will be singing her birthday song and making our own wish for her.

We were matched with our sweet girl in September, when she was 7 1/2 months old. Since then, the only thing we've had to hold onto are pictures, videos, and developmental updates—which are just reminders of all we're missing. What's even more devastating for us is knowing that the babies she's known all her life have, one by one, been united with their parents. Does she realize that her friends won't be coming back? Every day, she's experiencing such loss and we can't even protect her.

There will be a day in the not-so-distant future where we will hold our little girl and the agony of waiting will be a faint memory. Until then, I just hope she knows how much her Mommy and Daddy love her and want her home.

Happy Birthday, baby girl.